I looked at a photo of a another girl today, and immediately, I thought, “I wish I was her.”
​
Her cheek bones jutted out at the perfect angle. My cheeks are chubby. Her hips, her arms, her legs were slim. Mine are much rounder, larger, wider. Her stomach was flat. She didn’t tug on her shirt to cover any rolls or lumps or bumps. Her scale read a smaller number. Her eyes were brighter. Her smile was wide, her teeth whiter, her skin clearer. Wrinkles were non-existent, while mine get more prominent by the day. She didn’t need Spanx or long shirts or to think about the spacing on jeans pockets to make herself look slimmer.

Her outfit looked put together, her hair was shiny and smooth. The eyeliner, the lipstick, the curls–all perfect.

Still, after studying the photo of myself ten years ago, I take a breath and come to the realization I know deep in my heart but forget sometimes: I have things she doesn’t.
I have a confidence she hasn’t yet learned. I have a steadfast willingness to be myself. I don’t worry about what others think. I stand in the petting zoo line. I dance wildly at Taylor Swift and wear the fuzzy socks that people might say look crazy. I go out with my hair in a greasy top knot. I admit unabashedly that I love watching The Bachelor and have going to Disney on my bucket list. I don't apologize for taking up space or expressing my thoughts. I worry about being me and not pleasing others.

I have a tenacity she doesn’t have yet, too. I’ve been knocked down quite a few times. I’ve gotten back up all of those times. I’ve learned the “life is tough” mantra firsthand–and I’ve survived it in ways she can’t imagine. I have a decade of memories, of laughter, of learning, of growing, of knowledge, that she doesn’t have yet.

I have so many things she doesn’t. Still, if I’m not careful, I fall into the trap so many of us do–of wishing I could be her again. Of being afraid of my changing body and aging face. Of wanting to go back because I’ve convinced myself preserving society’s idea of beauty is what outweighs everything. And being rounder, plumper, heavier, or whatever verbiage you want to use is a thing to avoid, to fear, to loathe.

I look at that girl in the photo and wish I could tell her she’s beautiful. Still, I know she wouldn’t believe me anyway. She’s too busy worrying about the girl in the photo from a few years earlier or from the other girl she knows on social media. She’s too busy trying not to be too loud, too bossy, too much in a society that is always telling her she is too something or other. So I put the photo down. It will be okay, anyway. Because I know where her story leads to. I know that yes, she’ll get more wrinkles and frizzy hair and bigger hips. But she’ll also learn to love herself more than she does now. She’ll learn that society doesn’t get the final say on who you are or what your life looks like. She’ll settle in with her bigger arms and less glowy skin–and she’ll have a peace she can’t imagine right now.

I tuck the photo away and smile, knowing that I’m not that girl anymore, but I’m something different. Something more in many ways. And that will be more than enough today.
I hope it’s enough for you today, too. Put the photo down. Let that girl be who she is. Because you are you. Beautiful, wise, experienced you. And no wrinkle cream or diet or makeup product or hair gloss will take that away. You shouldn’t want it to, either.

Rediscovering Life’s Magic: Tip #3: How to Make a Drastic Career Change Less Terrifying
​I was having more bad days than good days at work.

1. I was miserable, listless, and felt like a walking zombie.
2. I was losing interest in my hobbies.

These were the signs I knew I needed a BIG life change.

Leaving Teaching

For ten years, I taught high school English, and when I first started, it thought it would be my forever job. In the beginning, it lit a fire in my soul. But then … it didn’t. About six years in, I started to wonder if teaching really was my forever job. About eight years in, I started to feel stuck. And ten years in, I’d lost the passion completely, and it was having a negative impact on almost all areas of my life.

I’d gained weight. I was moody all the time. I was dragging myself to work and coming home to nap on the couch. Joy was reserved for the days I was off work, and that was it.

And that was when I made the decision–I needed a change. 

Was it easy? Absolutely not. There were all sorts of reasons I thought maybe I should stay in teaching. Ultimately, though, I knew it was time for me to explore new horizons.

So I did. And that’s the biggest piece of advice I can give you. In order to make a life change, you have to find the courage and take the leap. Along the way, though, I’ve learned some things that I hope will be helpful if you’re thinking about making a change.

1. Know that there is no wrong path.   
 I had decision paralysis because I was terrified of making a decision I would regret. But 
you know what? That’s a risk even if you stay put. The thing is, even though everyone makes us feel like our career decisions are a one and done, you can always change your mind. You can always veer off the path and turn around or veer in another direction. You are not stuck. Ever.


2. Explore many options. We sometimes get stuck in the fact that we are stuck. You are never stuck.
 I especially find this with teachers–we think we are only able to teach, that there are no 
options but teaching. That’s a lie we’re told, though. You have so many skills you overlook because they’re part of your daily life. Think about what projects you’ve done, what committees you’ve served on, and what skills your daily job requires. Sometimes, it’s just about reframing your experience and using different lingo to describe what you do that will open up new doors. For example, many tasks in teaching relate to project management and human resources.

3. Be realistic in your timeline.     
    Change doesn’t happen overnight. By search for a new career took about a year from 
my first search to landing that job. Don’t be in a rush. Take your time and explore your 
options.

4. Set yourself up for success.
Take time to work on your resume and cover letter, and do your research! Be sure to use buzzwords from the field you’re looking to enter, and really assess if you’re using too much lingo from your past job. Even if you’re just beginning to think about making a change, having your tools ready will help you make the leap with less stress.

5. Know it’s going to be hard but worth it.
Change is always, always hard. No matter what. Starting over with new people, new job roles, new tasks–it can be overwhelming. There will be days when you long for the easy comfort of the past. There will be days when you question if you made the right choice. There will be days you miss your old life, the safe life, the simpler times.

Still, I want you to know that it’s worth making the change. Living a life of passion and excitement isn’t easy. You have to fight for it. You have to get uncomfortable and push yourself. But once you’re on the other side of the big change and realize how much more alive you are, there will be no stopping you, truly. Life opens up tenfold, not just from your new job or decision but from the realization that you are brave enough, strong enough, and smart enough to start over. Once you learn that about yourself, life becomes so much more exciting and less fearful.

What’s next?

If you’re specifically a teacher looking for a career change, I highly recommend checking out The Teacher Career Coach on Instagram and online. Her resources really helped me feel like I wasn’t alone, gave me confidence, and gave me very real tips to use in my job search.

If you’re looking for support or have questions, feel free to comment below! I’d love to come together as a community to help each other find the courage to take the leap.

Be sure to check out my blog posts on why finding the spark matters, positive social media, and how mixing things up can bring excitement back into your life.

​I wish they'd told us at 20 that our bodies would change as we got older, that we wouldn't stay that weight forever. I wish they told us we'd get curves and lumps and bumps and wrinkles and bulges and squishy arms that sometimes look bigger in pictures.

I wish they'd told us that angles manipulate pictures, that one photo doesn't capture your size or your worth or your beauty. I wish they'd told us to stop analyzing photos for places we could look better. I wish they'd told us to look at our smile, at the fire in our eyes, at the happiness that glowed within instead.

I wish they'd told us that there is no perfect body size--and that even if there is, it's okay if you aren't there. I wish they'd told us there are so many more important things than the circumference of our arms or our waist. I wish they'd told us that a woman is so much more than the size on her dress.

I wish they'd told us it isn't slutty to wear a short dress or expose your arms if you want to. I wish they'd told us to stop worrying about blending in or fitting in. I wish they'd let us wear whatever the hell we wanted.

I wish they'd told us, most of all, that we were beautiful so even today, we could still remember.
But they didn't always tell us. And you know what? It's going to be okay anyway. Because we'll tell us and the girls who come after us. We'll tell them and show them and remind them that beauty is in a moment, not in a size. That beauty is in happiness, not how slender your body looks. We'll tell them to be who they want and wear what they want and eat when they're hungry and rest when they're tired and to wear the dress that makes them feel bomb.
​
We'll tell them. Because no one told us.

#bodypositive #womenempowerment #womenhepingwomen #redlips #selflove #selfworth #bodyimage #mondaymotivation #womenempoweringwomen #authorlife #swifties #taylorswiftfans #loveyourbody #loveyourself #behappy

Singing a song I wrote from scratch. Chasing the dog in the backyard. Swinging on the swingset and then exploring behind the huge pine tree. Pretending there were magical fairies in the flowers and trying to catch them while wearing a crown. Then it was time for Polly Pockets (Back when they were ridiculously small and a definite choking hazard). Finger Painting, coloring, bike riding. The number of activities were endless. I couldn’t wait to get out of bed and get the day started. There were more things to do than I had time for, and every day was different.

When you think back to childhood, think about the penchant for adventure. Every day offered a new chance to play, to make believe, to explore, even if you were at home. There were countless activities completed in a day at whim. Your heart’s desire led a lot of your choices (and also the parental figure in your life). But the sky seemed like the limit, magic was boundless, and you knew exactly what you loved to do.

Fast forward to adulthood, and it’s no wonder so many of us feel down. We chain ourselves to the 9-5 desk and pride ourselves on routine, day in and day out. We eat the same foods. We dress in the same styles, do our hair the same way, wear the same makeup. We schedule our bathroom breaks and our water breaks and take the same roads to work. We do what make sense and what saves time. We come home, carry on our routine. And we wonder why we end up feeling a bit lifeless.

Mixing It Up

One of the simplest mood (and life) boosters I’ve ascribed to in recent years is to mix it up. It really is that simple.

I know it would be great if mix it up meant we could all sell our house, buy an RV, and travel the world without a job. I know it would be great if we didn’t have to do chores, if we had an endless wardrobe budget, and if we didn’t have to worry about things like feeding our family. Still, I think there are practical ways you can add some spice to your life and some excitement.

You don’t have to have a travel budget to explore and to adventure. Some of the things I’ve done in recent years to mix it up and bring back excitement:

1. Go to a new coffee shop.
2. Try new restaurants, or order something new at your favorite restaurant.
3. Pick out a shirt, a dress, or an accessory that’s something you normally wouldn’t.
4. Try a new hairstyle, even if it’s temporary.
5. Pick a local spot to explore you’ve never been to.
6. Go to a festival you’ve never made time to go to.
7. Go on a picnic at a local state park on a weekday.
8. Try a new recipe from Pinterest for dinner, something you’ve never made before.
9. Mix up your walking route or your route to work for a change.
10. Schedule coffee with a friend for a weekday when you normally wouldn’t.
11. Take a class you’ve never tried before.
12. Pick one thing from your bucket list and schedule it, even if it has to be a year out so you can save funds. 
13. Learn something new! I joined MasterClass for a while to listen to some classes by the experts.
14. Volunteer somewhere! Helping others really can help you get out of your rut.

But what if you need a big change?

Sometimes, the little, tiny changes can make a difference and help us find our spark again. But sometimes, if we’re being honest, we need something more drastic. 

Sometimes, despite our best efforts to mix up our routine, we still feel blah. Sometimes, we dig deeper and realize our dream, our house, our town is making us miserable. And those big changes can be TERRIFYING. Tune back in next Monday when I’ll chat about tips for making a BIG change and how to make it less scary (I left my teaching career after TEN years, something I never thought I’d do). 

Be sure to revisit Blog #1 about why rediscovering the magic in your life matters and blog post#2 about how incorporating positive media into your life can make a huge difference. And if you're looking for more inspiration, come join me on Instagram for more advice, inspiration, and motivation!

​

I received my products from Rejuva Cosmetics for free, but my review is solely my own, honest opinion.*

The older I get, the more conscientious I’m becoming about what I’m putting on my skin. As a makeup lover and avid tryer of all the products, I’ve started to think more about what chemicals are in some of the products I love and what long-term damage they could be doing.

My search for clean beauty products brought me to Rejuva Minerals, a makeup brand committed to clean ingredients and makeup products that aren’t going to wreak havoc on your health. Many of their products are EWG certified, and they are committed to cruelty-free products (something I’m massively passionate about. If you want to find out why, visit Beagle Freedom and their mission. Ever since watching the Beagle Freedom videos, I’ve been a staunch supporter of cruelty-free products). 

I love that their products use safe, clean, and vegan ingredients so you don’t have to worry about what you’re slathering on your skin. Many of their products even have the EWG certification, which requires rigorous standards. 

But at the end of the day, the makeup also has to do its job, right? It has to make you feel your best and give you the look you want.  I’ve tried numerous clean products in the past only to be sad about the results. I’m happy to report that after trying a full-face of products, Rejuva Minerals is the real deal!

Lightweight, blendable, and glowy, all of the products I tried gave me a gorgeous, natural look from products I feel good about using. You can see my full-face look below, and I really feel like I have a natural glow to me without the use of a highlighter! The lightweight products really let your own beauty shine through, but the beautiful, natural colors also help enhance your face. I also was happy that everything wore well, from the eyeliner (which I’m notorious for smudging throughout the day) to the foundation. I felt like when I clocked out at the end of the day, my face still looked good!

I’m a huge fan of all the products I tried, from the foundation to the SPF16 to the eye products. Here are some of my recommendations to check out:

• The liquid foundation (super glowy and blends right in! It also lasted all day. I set it with some translucent powder)
• The mascara: I have sensitive eyes and wear contacts. It didn’t flake, and my eyes didn’t itch at all.
• The eyeliner: I love that it auto sharpens and glides right on for the perfect winged look.
• The eyeshadows: They look super natural! I used three colors for my eye look: White Diamond, Mocha, and Tropical Sunset.
• Papaya Pressed Powder: You can use this for eyes, too, but I used it as a blush and love the natural flush it gave me.
• The SPF16: It’s so hard to find sunscreen that doesn’t have nasty chemicals, so I was so excited about this one. It’s super lightweight, not greasy, and a really good size for the money.
• The lipsticks are buttery soft and the shades are great! I loved the Red, Red Wine.

Ready to check out their products? Click here to do some shopping, and be sure to let me know in the comments what you think (I’m not getting any affiliate pay or kickbacks… just sharing the link because I really think you’re going to love these products!)

I love that they have kits you can custom build. For example, you can do a custom built eye kit where you pick your eyeshadow colors! The prices are affordable considering the quality you get. Head over to their website and check them out.

​

Hippie-Trippie. Fluffy. Too Happy. Unrealistic. 

In my early twenties, this is how I would have described self-help as a genre. Self-help seemed like a fluffy genre of ideas that were too good to be true and unrealistic. But as my thirties approach and I started to really struggle with positivity, I turned to the genre out of desperation, to be honest.

I’d heard a lot about a book called “Girl, Wash Your Face” by Rachel Hollis and decided to give it a go. And you know what? It had an impact. A huge one. For one, I realized I wasn’t alone in my thoughts. This thing called being human, turns out, isn’t easy. And her book resonated with me on a deep level. As a high-achiever, I connected with her perfectionist tendencies, her desire to always chase more, and her worries about life passing her by.

From there, I continued pulling self-help into my sphere. I made simple changes.

1. Instead of watching the news in the morning, I started listening to podcasts (A few of my favorites are listed below). And five years later, I can tell you that I look forward to getting up now to listen to my favorite, inspiring podcasts. I find that if I’m in a slump, sometimes the right words just pull me out.

        Favorite podcasts:
        Rachel Hollis
        The Skinny Confidential
        Ed Mylett
        Tony Robbins

2.    I made a positive playlist of songs that boosted my mood no matter what. Songs that I 
couldn’t help but smile or feel energized by. When I was feeling blah, I’d pop in my 
earbuds and find an instant mood boost.

3.    I started following positive social media accounts that gave me a boost. Instead of 
mindlessly scrolling through people who made me jump into comparison syndrome, I 
chose to follow people who boosted me.
Some of my favorites:
Rachel Hollis
Ed Mylett
Tony Robbins
Soniachoquette
Lauryn Bosstick
Olivia Marie Plath

4.     I kept reading positive books, especially when I was really struggling. 
    Some of my favorites:
    The Gap vs. The Gain by Dr. Ben Hardy
    Girl, Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis
    You are a Badass by Jen Sincero

5.    I started putting positive quotes on sticky notes for me to see every day. There is one on 
my desk. There is one in my closet. There are several on my mirror. These quotes are 
my life mottos, my goals, and words that inspire me to kick-ass. 

Small Changes Add Up
When you’re in the middle of feeling blah or like life has lost its shine, it’s hard to imagine that a few changes like adding a positive podcast or an upbeat playlist will make a difference. But I’m here to tell you that most days, we have to fight for positivity. We have to fight to feel energized, especially in a world that tries its hardest to bring you down. 

Adding in some positivity, some words that inspire you really does make a difference. The work part of it is that you have to find who and what speaks to YOU, specifically. You have to search for the quotes that light you up, the podcasts that energize you, and the books that resonate. Sometimes, these will be out of your comfort zone at first. Sometimes, they will be about topics you don’t want to admit you need help with. But I encourage you to let that go, to fight for who you want to be. 

Join me next Monday as we visit another tip for rediscovering the magic in your life, and be sure to click here to read week one’s post about why it matters in the first place.

Author L.A. Detwiler

It was a simple joke, but I remember tearing up that night as I fell asleep. “Almost Thirty” the birthday cake had read in pink frosting, my husband smiling as the family laughed. At twenty-nine, though, the prospect of turning thirty induced an increased heart rate, sleepless nights, and terror.

There are a lot of reasons I think I was so afraid of turning thirty. Part of it was probably because of the movie Thirteen Going on Thirty, where thirty was the magical age that was the end of the line. It was the age where you were supposed to not only have your shit together but be thriving, too.

At at twenty-nine, I really didn’t feel like I was set to thrive in my thirties–although you wouldn’t know it from the outside looking in.

From the outside, everything was “normal” in my life, maybe even a little magical. I was married to my junior high sweetheart, and we had a house with a dog. I was teaching, my dream since I was a little girl, and I’d even had a few novels published. I hit the USA Today Bestseller’s list and was also teaching at a college one night a week.

But the thing is, I was terrified to turn thirty–and I think it’s because even then, I think I’d realized something so many of us face, especially in modern society: adult life isn’t magical. In fact, a big part of growing up feels like letting the magic behind. And that terrified me.

​

Over the next few Mondays, I’m going to be digging deeper into this topic and sharing with you tried and true tips that worked for me to pull me out of my rut, to put me in a better headspace, and to set myself up to thrive, not just survive, in my thirties–and beyond.

If you’re someone who has struggled with feeling blah, with feeling like the spark is gone, I hope you’ll join me on Facebook www.facebook.com/ladetwiler or on my blog www.ladetwiler.com. I’m really hoping that by coming together to talk about the struggles of identity, fulfillment, and rediscovering joy, we can uplift each other and encourage each other to take the road less traveled by–the road to true fulfillment, which is sometimes more difficult than cruising along but worth it.

If you’re struggling to find your passion or to find happiness; If you’re unsure of your career or wanting to chase a big dream but are scared; If you’re not feeling like yourself; If you’re feeling miserable; If you’re feeling more negative than ever; then join us. It isn’t a straight, one-size-fits-all path to happiness. But I’m hoping some of the tips and tricks that worked for me might inspire you. 

Feel free to send this along to a friend who might need it, and thanks for being here with me!

Author L.A. Detwiler

​

My turn signal flickers as I round the familiar bend, simultaneously ready to be home but not ready to end my karaoke session in the car. The words to the Taylor Swift song blast from my mouth as my husband groans. “Sequin smile/black lipstick/Sensual politics,” echoes in the metal box when my husband speaks up.

“The lyrics make zero sense,” he complains as I put the car in park in front of our Cape Cod.

“It’s poetry,” I proclaim, turning to him as I let the song play a little more.

“That is not poetry,” he argues.

Peeling ourselves out of the car, the words still resonating within me, I think about his argument. And as we lug the groceries into the house, I consider his words—and how wrong they are.

(Expletive!) Poetry
As a former high school English teacher of ten years, I can tell you that for far too long, we’ve scared the youth away from poetry. Stodgy, forced analysis and uppity takes on the masters establishes poetry as synonymous with expletives in many classrooms. The power of words, the feeling behind the words has been haphazardly traded for alliteration identification and iambic pentameter markings. Words from the masters feel archaic and stiff to the modern teenager in many cases.

Certainly, we can try to enlighten our youth to the power of the words. We can help them uncover the beauty of love in Shakespearean sonnets along with the humor of his homely mistress. We can seek to inspire with the “Sail forth” words of Whitman and the Transcendentalist beliefs of marching to your own drum beat in Emerson’s poetry. We can analyze the melancholy in Poe’s “Annabel Lee” and distinguish Emily Dickinson’s punctuation and dark analysis from all the rest.
Still, there is something lost when we try to determine poetry is only from the classical periods, from only a certain breed of writer or format. When we put our poetry in a box of this and not that, we alienate an entire generation of readers and poets, for that matter.

What is Poetry, Actually?
To come to a solution to this issue, we must ask ourselves what poetry is at the core. Is it formulaic writing? Is it old, curmudgeonly lines that we blow the dust off of? Is it tangled mystery with forced concepts?

Or is it, at its root, an unfolding of the heart that speaks to many in nuanced ways?

I know poetry scholars, poets, and avid readers may decide the last definition is undoubtedly simplified. It strips away the power of poetry and the skill. It cheapens it.

But to me, if we can get past the academic appraisals and definitions, I think this generalized definition actually expands poetry in a way that opens up more possibility. By understanding that poetry at its core is about heart, we can make room for change. We can invite more poetry scholars into the fold by opening up our youth to the beauty of the art form. We can stop excluding so many by telling them what poetry isn’t.

We can still hold the classics in high regard. I am not proposing that because they are of a different time or a higher caliber of vocabulary, they don’t have value. In actuality, I believe that every single piece of writing has something to teach us. I also believe to fully understand literature, one must push their boundaries of understanding in order to discover new possibilities. However, this reverence for the classic poetry forms and deep analysis does not mean other forms, other mediums, other styles of poetry should be snubbed.

Poetry, Poetry, Everywhere … and Plenty to Drink
 Taylor Swift’s newer song “Sweet Nothings,” notes:
               On my way home/ I wrote a poem/ You say ‘What a mind.’/ This happens all the time.
She’s not wrong. She did write a poem in her lyrics, one that all walks of life can uncover, interpret, and consider. Taylor’s words inspire and connect. They make us stir at the core and ask: How? Why? Most of all, they help us say, “That’s me.”

Taylor Swift’s songs are poetry. So are Nelly’s. So are Def Leppard’s, and so are Queen’s. So are all the musicians out there.

But it doesn’t stop there. The Instagram poets are worthy of poetic reverence. The commercials, the advertisements, the magazine snippets that move us to tears are worthy of poetry’s label. The words that tumble out of your heart on to a page for no one but you to see are worthy of a pedestal. In short, at its simplest form, poetry is the bleeding of the heart, the outpouring of words into a medium that inspires and moves us. That doesn’t have to appear in a literary textbook or rhyme or really be anything other than that—from the heart.
​
The more inclusive we are about what poetry is—the more the appreciation and understanding of the genre’s power can flourish for this generation and beyond. 

Yes, ‘Elder’ Millennial, You Need a Crop Top
 
Last week, I was scrolling TikTok to catch up on the Eras tour (My nightly pre-bedtime habit. I know, screens are bad before bed. But it’s my Eras era, so what can I say?) when I came across one of the many “millennial makeover” TikToks that have been popping up on my feed. The Gen Z expert helped the millennial trade her oversized cardigan, skinny jeans, and long cami for an updated look—which included a crop top.

And for all the ladies in the room in their thirties or beyond, cue the gasp. Right?

For as long as I can remember, the word “crop top” has been synonymous with an expletive.

“I haven’t found anything in the stores lately. It’s all just crop tops,” my friends and I complain over and over. We try on shirts that hit just at the top of our jeans and tug on them, explaining that they're just not long enough. We pile into the oversized shirts, the long cardigans. We hide, we cover, we camouflage and talk about how showing too much skin just isn’t right.

But as I scrolled past makeover over makeover to get back to my Taylor fix, one TikTok popped up in the same vein that gave me pause. In this Tiktok, she explained why millennial fashion is what it is. She talked about how our generation grew up with mothers who were self-conscious about weight and body image—and many of them passed that body shame onto us. So, we turned to oversized flannels, long shirts, and anything that would cover up our rolls, lumps, and bumps that we found to be embarrassing.

Even though my eyelids were heavy, I popped right awake. Because up until that point in my thirty-five years, I just thought we picked our clothes because they looked good on us. I thought the crop top was just an unstylish rebellion against our generation’s long shirts and that it wasn’t something we wanted to pull off. But maybe, just maybe, I considered—our aversion to the crop top is much deeper. Maybe it has to do with our need to be covered, not for ourselves but for others. It’s a symbol of the body expectations put on us that we still accept as truth.

The crop top, in essence, exposes not bodies or skin—it exposes our deep fears and self-consciousness about bodies we were told weren’t good enough.

Not Skinny Enough

I’ll admit—I do own one single crop top. (Why does that still feel like a confession I should be saying in a little cubicle to a priest and following with acts of penance?). It’s sequined and flashy. My husband found it at a consignment shop, thinking it would be a perfect Eras Tour top. It was five dollars, so I tried it on. Staring in the mirror at my exposed stomach, right in the section I was always told was the “area you never wanted to stick out,” I saw nothing but hateful words staring back at me.

Fat. Oozing. Pudgy. Unattractive.

I quickly took the top of, sighing. Still, I bought it because it was only five dollars, thinking I could layer a cami under it (We love our camis, don’t we, millennials?) or lose enough weight to make myself feel good in it.

And there it is. The true sentence that should make me actually feel guilty—guilty for being so horrible to myself. Because even at thirty-five, when I thought I’d worked through so many of my issues, the truth still sticks. I don’t feel skinny enough to rock a crop top. I still think I have to hit a certain weight or a certain level of flatness to deserve to wear a crop top.

The sequined crop top hangs in my closet still, mocking me every day. Did you lose enough weight yet? Is your stomach flatter? Did you pass on the cake so you can maybe wear me next month?

The questions stir, and the shame stirs with it. But that single TikTok made me consider what it would take to make the crop top stop taunting me.

That TikTok I saw in passing really did change me. No, I’m not out sporting a crop top every day or at the office. Yes, the bejeweled crop top still mocks me in my closet if I stop to listen too long, asking if I’m skinny enough yet to wear it. No, I haven’t let go of passing over crop top after crop top on the rack of clothes when I’m shopping.

And no, I don’t think you need to throw out all your long tops and buy all crop tops. I’m not saying you have to show skin to be sexy—that’s a whole other conundrum some of us face. At the end of the day, I think you need to wear what you like and what makes you feel happy.

Nonetheless, I do think every millennial and every woman in general deserves to own at least one crop top—and to feel damn proud wearing it. Not if you’re a certain weight. Not when you feel skinny enough. Not because it’s trendy. But because I think every woman deserves to understand that the lies we were taught about skinny equating to worthiness need to be overturned.

As women, we deserve more than to starve our bodies in order to be visually pleasing to others. We deserve more than to hide behind baggy clothing just because we’re afraid to show skin. We deserve more than to limit our confidence because of what others taught us about body weight, image, and self-worth.
Yes, we might like our camis and baggy shirts and cardigans. Yes, that might be our style vibe—and that’s perfectly fine. But we still deserve to rock a crop top from time to time and not feel self-conscious about it. That’s my dream for us millennials—and all women, really. That the crop top doesn’t scare us anymore. That we feel like we can wear it if we want to and not feel bad about it. That we can rock any clothes, really, because no matter what stage of life we’re in or what our bodies look like, we feel good in them.

In this Eras era, let’s make a pact to make this era’s narrative body positivity. Let’s break out the crop top once in a while and flaunt our body exactly as it is.

Let’s stop limiting ourselves based on some antiquated notions about our bodies, shame, and what skin we need to cover.
​
Now trading in the skinny jeans or the side part—that’s an article for another time. ​

One year ago, I said goodbye to my high school students for the last time. I stepped out the door of the four walls I’d called home for ten years, and I never went back.

Last year, I made the decision to leave my teaching job after ten years in the high school English classroom. It wasn’t an easy decision at all. Still, it was one that, at the time, I felt was the right decision for me. I could get into all the whys of leaving teaching, but if you’re here, you probably know the whys. My guess is that many of you reading this are in the same shoes I was in last year—thinking it’s time for you to leave but scared to make the leap. (You can read my article about leaving teaching here if you want the details).
​
I left the classroom for a corporate job in communications. Now, one year later, I wanted to reflect on where I am, what I’ve learned, and the question I know so many of you are wondering: Do I regret leaving? Here are the things I’ve learned in the past year since leaving the classroom. I hope that if, as summer approaches, you’re wondering if you want to go back to the classroom in the fall, this article will help you make the difficult decision.

I’d like to say that leaving the classroom was super easy and that I never had my doubts. In truth, I landed at a job I love and am so fortunate to have. It’s a great company with stellar values, benefits, and perks. Still, change is never, ever easy.

Foremost, it wasn’t easy “starting over.” New friends, new processes, new paperwork, new everything. I hadn’t realized that at the school, I’d fallen into a comfortable place where I really did know my job inside and out. I was the person new people came to for questions and advice. Now, ten years later, I was the person asking a million questions, being confused, and not knowing all aspects of my job. It’s humbling and scary, to be honest.

Plus, even if you are relieved to leave the classroom and know it was the right choice, I think there is a subconscious grieving period you go through. There were days this past year when I was emotional, when I cried, when I just felt frustrated. I think that if I’m being honest, a lot of that came from a place of grieving the death of my dream. I’d wanted to teach since I was five. I spent about seven of my ten years in teaching absolutely loving it. To give up that vision, that dream, wasn’t easy. I think I still grieve it a little bit.
​
Change is never easy, and leaving the classroom will come with a rollercoaster of emotions. Fear, stress, confusion, nostalgia. All sorts of feelings. Still, on my new desk, I have a sign that says, “Choose growth over comfort.” Because even though it’s sometimes a struggle starting over, I’ve also found that it’s enlivening. In the classroom, I had fallen into a complacent routine. Change was just what I needed to grow, to learn, and to remember what life is really about. I have a new appreciation and zest for life that I realize now I had lost in the stress of papers, toxic environments, and doing the same thing year after year.

Let me be clear: I wasn’t one of those teachers who missed school during the summer or taught during the summer or took on extra jobs during break. I was a teacher who LIVED for my summer. I didn’t crack open a book or set foot in my classroom until the last minute. I literally lived it up in the summer—and when I say lived it up, I of course meant read lots of books in my hammock, drank lemonade, and went to the craft store on a random Tuesday afternoon. Still,  I was terrified when I left education that I would desperately miss it, if I’m being honest.

But the truth is, one year in, I really don’t. I have only used a few of my PTO days in the past year, something I could never say during teaching. I was always using my personal days, living for the extended breaks, and basically crawling to summer. Now, I honestly can tell you that I don’t live for breaks because I have a much, much, much better work-life balance. Truly.

When you’re in the middle of teaching, this logic doesn’t really sink in. I know because I’ve been there. How could you possibly survive working all year long? How could you handle only having a few holidays off? It seems impossible. But that’s because in teaching—it is.

I don’t think I realized how burnt out, how tired, how stressed I was in education until I left. Sure, my new job is stressful on certain days. But I’m not soul-crushingly tired when I leave for the day. In fact, each evening, I actually have energy when I get home to do things (cue teacher gasps) instead of sinking into the sofa and napping. I find that I have more hobbies and go out more all year long, not just during the three summer months of freedom. I also find that because I can “shut my job off” when I leave for the day, I’m not spending every waking minute at home stressing over lesson plans or when I’m getting papers graded or when I’m going to guidance to chat about a kid. I can truly clock out and leave work at the office.
​
This is one I don’t think you’ll believe me about until you experience it because it’s such a foreign concept to educators. But to have a job where you don’t desperately need a break is such a life-changing thing. What’s more, the Sunday scaries are no longer a thing. Sure, I might groan that my alarm is going to go off early the next morning. But there is no longer that debilitating depression about work. Ever. And that is also life changing.

Since leaving my teaching job, I’ve lost about ten pounds without really trying. My skin is clearer and doesn’t break out as much. More importantly, I don’t feel like I’m physically sick all the time. In fact, I haven’t been sick at all this past year. I have less headaches and more energy. And I truly believe it’s because I have less stress.
​
I knew the school environment was stressful. The constant decision-making, incessant monitoring, watching for safety issues, trying to meet impossible testing standards, discipline, and the ten thousand tasks a teacher endures a day plays a toll. Still, it wasn’t until I left teaching and let my body heal that I realized how sick the stress was making me.

I have never felt better physically than I did this past year. And that’s an eye-opening experience. I realize now that for the past several years, I’ve really only been living half a life—the half of life for work. I wasn’t energetic enough to really be present in my non-working hours because of the toll the stress was taking. I feel like a weight’s been lifted now, and it shows. People say that I look happier, healthier, more vibrant—and that’s because I am.

Suddenly, I have more time, energy, and passion for my hobbies. In addition to my day job, I’m a published author. In my last year of teaching, I thought I might quit. I didn’t have any ideas for a book, and I didn’t think I ever would. In this past year, I’ve written three new novels and have so many ideas for more. My creativity has increased tenfold because I realize I now have the mental capacity to chase my passions.

In teaching, we’re taught that your work is your life. But I have a new perspective now. I’m not living to work. I’m working to live the life that fulfills me. That’s a huge mindset change and shift.

A big reason I left teaching was because of the constant lack of respect from students and parents. I didn’t want a red carpet to be rolled out for me or a banner on an airplane to fly over the school daily saying thanks. Plain and simple, I wanted basic human decency and common courtesy. More and more as the years went on, I felt like those went away.
​
Being called every name in the book by students and parents, being told that because you don’t have kids you can’t be a good teacher, being accused of being underqualified despite three degrees and a publishing history a mile long—these wear on you, despite your best efforts.

Moving to the corporate world opened my eyes to how much abuse teachers really do accept as part of the job. I have never been sworn at in my new job. I have never been threatened. If I make a mistake, I’m able to fix it without seven meetings, shame, and degrading comments. I am able to be my genuine self without fear of being told I’m not good enough. In fact, most days, I’m praised for my efforts, my work, and my talents. I’m appreciated. It’s sad that appreciation was never really a part of my educational career.

As teachers, we’re told that “being disrespected is part of the job.” Or we’re told “kids will be kids” or that we signed up for it. But let me set the record straight.

You are worthy of being respected. You do not have to go into a place where you are verbally abused every single day. You are more than qualified for your job, and you shouldn’t have your credentials questioned every single day.

You deserve and are worthy of respect. Period.

I think in teaching, your co-workers really do become more than just people you work with. The bonds you form are so much stronger, perhaps because you’re “in the trenches” together. Leaving teaching, I knew I would really miss my work friends. I didn’t realize how much.

My new co-workers are amazing and kind, and I really think we’ll be close as time goes on. Still, leaving your best friends, your co-teachers, the people who were there for all the good and bad, it’s tough. I miss my best friend so much. I miss our morning coffee and catch ups. I miss the funny things that sometimes happened. I miss those connections.

We still stay in touch, of course, but leaving a job always puts a strain on the relationship just because of practicality. You will miss your friends dearly. It will be hard starting over and making new friends, especially if you’re an introvert like me.
​
But I also know that your friends will want what’s best for you—and if you’re truly happy, your friendship will ultimately benefit.

I was sad this past year that I closed the door on teaching. I miss being in front of a class and talking about Emerson or doing that fun MLA activity I came up with. I miss talking about literature and teaching writing. I do. I miss the connection and my content. I miss the good times in front of the classroom or lighting a spark in a student for learning.

But leaving the traditional classroom doesn’t mean you can’t incorporate teaching into your life. I recently accepted an adjunct position at a college where I’ll get to teach one night a week, enough to still allow me to pursue my passion. There are all sorts of remote tutoring positions, local tutoring programs, or even online courses where you can still live out your passion.

As teachers, we’re sometimes made to believe we can do only one thing with our degrees. That’s so not true. First of all, when you’re looking to leave the classroom, know that you have so many skills that you don’t realize will translate to corporate world or whatever other field you’re interested in. Many of our skills encompass managerial skills, human resources, and project management skills. We just don’t think of them that way.

And secondly, leaving the traditional classroom setting doesn’t mean you can’t still teach. You can still find new ways to connect with that passion and live out your dream just in a new way that allows you to have work-life balance and be happy.

Leaving teaching is a difficult decision but also, in truth, the best thing I’ve done for myself. When I think back a year, I barely recognize that tired, stressed, always ill, drained woman I was. I see the photos of myself from that time, and I see a fake smile with exhaustion and sadness behind her eyes. This past year has had its challenges and hurdles, sure. Still, for me, I know I made the best choice for myself.

Ultimately, leaving teaching is a choice you have to make for yourself. But I leave you with three pieces of advice:

1. You are not selfish for wanting something different or wanting a better work environment. It’s more than okay to think of yourself, despite what educators are taught to believe.
2. There are options for you out there, and it’s okay to pursue those options.
3. You might regret leaving teaching. That’s okay. There isn’t one right choice for our lives. You can always change your mind and change it again. The risk isn’t as great as you think. Follow your heart. If you decide you made the wrong choice, you can always change the course of your life.

So, educator, as I said in my last article, I hope you find the courage to make a change if that’s what your heart is telling you. And to quote the classroom poster of Walt Whitman that was on my back wall, “Sail forth to seek and find.”
​
Sail forth, teacher, and find your new destiny if its calling.