Do something that scares the shit out of you.

Do something that scares the shit out of you.

That’s been the mantra I’ve had for the past couple of years–even though I’m an anxiety-riddled, paranoid, afraid-of–everything person. I got my first tattoo and then my second, both after an entire day of tears and fears. During the second one, which was bigger, my Fitbit said I did two hours of intense working out–just because my heart was racing so fast. I got on a horse even though once we got there, I realized I had underestimated how big the horse was going to be and was terrified. I took Edmund to his first dog show even though I was convinced it was going to end in disastrous, embarrassing moments of my dress flying up as I went flying helter-skelter across the room to chase him. 

But I survived all of those things that made my heart race. And even though there have been a lot of ugly tears through the scary moments and minutes when I thought I really couldn’t, I’ve come to understand this: When you do something that scares you and realize you CAN do frightening things, your confidence goes up. A lot. And that is something that never reverts back.

So, this year, I’ve decided to do something out of the box again. In fact, it’s something I’m starting on Tuesday. Something I’m excited about because I’ve always wished I could…something I’m afraid to even admit, in some sense, though.

I’m taking my very first ballet class. At the age of 36. 

Now, let me clarify for those of you who don’t know me. I’m NOT a dancer. Not at all. I’m a can’t touch my toes, got a B in gym class and cried, last picked on the team kind of person. I played soccer for a few years in elementary school and scored two goals–for the other team during the championship. I’m klutzy. I’m not athletic. I’m not coordinated. 

Ballet is probably the LAST thing I should be trying. I’m terrified, to be frank with you. 

I’m terrified I’m going to walk in with my carefully selected all black outfit (to blend in) and my potentially ill-fitting ballet shoes (I have no idea how they’re supposed to fit?) and see a room full of tutus and dancer bodies. I’m terrified that even though it’s a beginner’s class for adults, they really mean “You have some expertise in dance and can stretch your leg Rockette high” kind of beginner, and I’m going to be panting in the corner trying to figure out what the terms mean. 

I’m terrified I’m going to trip and fall or literally break my leg. I’m terrified the instructor is going to kindly and patiently ask me to leave because it’s not for people like me. I’m terrified of about 2,000 scenarios I’ve made up in my head.

And in truth, I thought about waiting to post about this…because then I’d still have an out. If I go on Tuesday and it’s a disaster to the point that I ask where the bathroom is and then never go back (forever abandoning my water bottle, which is why I’m picking one I won’t miss), I wouldn’t have to admit the failure. I could just pretend it didn’t happen, and no one would be the wiser to the fact that me, non-agile, non-dancer me, even considered the idea she could take ballet.

But then I thought about everything that I talk about here. About chasing your passions and joy unapologetically. About trying new things and taking risks and just LIVING your life. And I realized I needed to talk about this thing I’m doing, even if it’s a failure.

Because even if the worst thing happens on Tuesday, even if my leggings split or I fall or the rest of the class is doing the Nutcracker Ballet while I’m in the back corner dying from a few stretches….even if all that happens, at least I can say I did the thing. I can say I went for it, for the thing that scared me. I can say that I took something I’ve always thought was interesting, something I’ve always wanted to do…and I did it. Even if it was just one time.

I’m pretty sure I won’t die on Tuesday, even from embarrassment. I’m pretty sure that the class for adults is going to move slow enough that I can at least do something. I’m pretty sure there aren’t going to be members from the Rockettes taking the class with me. I’m pretty sure I’m even going to have a great time, learn something new, and get a good workout in.

Still, I’m willing to take that risk. Because I’ve come to learn over the past couple years that even if something is scary and you’re not sure of it and you don’t think you can…do it anyway. Because on the other side of that fear is, at the very least, a newfound confidence in your ability to survive.

I’ll come back on Wednesday to let you know how it all goes. As Chad and I have jokingly decided is our new 2024 mantra: It’s never too late to learn Swan Lake.

I hope this post, at the very least, gives you a smile…and in the best case, inspires you to do something that scares the shit out of you, too. 

L.A. Detwiler

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